OF IRISES AND FIREFLIES
by GoldAngel2
Summary: My first Rurouni Kenshin story inspired by episode 63--Kenshin shares the story of the wishing fireflies with Kaoru on a night like two months earlier--originally a one shot --read AN at the beginning of chapter 2
1. Default Chapter

_Author's Note: My first Rurouni Kenshin story. I have just fallen in love with Rurouni Kenshin for the exquisite art, character development and storyline and was inspired by the last scene of episode 63—an episode that brought me to tears. And then I saw episode 31 and cried again so this idea came to me. I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, it is the property of Fuji Television Inc., Jump Comics and the creation of Nobuhiro Watsuki_

**OF IRISES AND FIREFLIES**

Kamiya Kaoru stepped out the rear door of her dojo and breathed in the cool of the late evening after the heat of the late summer day. The night was exactly like _that _night, the night two months ago that was the crossroad of her life. They had returned from Kyoto yesterday she and the people she knew as her family and all of them appeared glad to be back at the Kamiya Dojo. It felt truly good to be home again and the day's work gave her a feeling of satisfaction that only comes from getting a lot accomplished. The dojo had been empty for two months as she, Yahiko, and Sanosuke had followed Kenshin to Kyoto to help in his fight with Shishio, following their hearts as they sought to assist the man once known as Battousai. They were determined to bring their rurouni home, to the home that he now had after ten years of wandering in a self induced penance for his many sins. In achieving the fait accompli of Shishio's defeat, they returned from Kyoto to Tokyo, returned to the place they called home, hopeful to relegate the past to where it belonged and to go forward into a hopeful future.

Kaoru gazed upward in the dark, star studded skies as she sighed breaking the quiet. The air was hushed and heavy with the final heat of summer still leaving a baked feeling to the cooler night air. Dr. Genzai and his two precocious granddaughters Ayame and Suzume had long since departed after welcoming Kenshin, Yahiko, Sano, and herself home with some food. It was a fortunate turn for they had not been home long enough to replenish the larder and having been gone from the dojo for two months money was scarce. She had even sent Kenshin to go to the river to fish and catch some food but he had come home empty-handed and in a strangely pensive mood. He had returned and after admitting his failure at catching any fish he was watching her with a funny half-smile and glow in his amethyst eyes, a look that had remained with him all through dinner. While they ate, Kenshin had remained mostly silent, politely answering when someone asked a question of him but keeping his eyes trained on her constantly as if he were studying her. It made her a bit self-conscious even with them being close friends.

Kaoru walked out and sat on the top step as she noted the dark moonless night, the only light besides the countless stars being the occasional soft pinpoint glow of fireflies that were scattered about in the darkness like a flurry of snowflakes made of bio-luminescent light. The humidity of the day had drawn the insects from the nearby riverbank into the back courtyard of the dojo. Kaoru enjoyed the picture the tiny luminous bugs presented as they glided back and forth through the rushes and brush surrounding the bathhouse and other buildings that made up the Kamiya Dojo. Then something caught her eye as she noticed the bucket Kenshin had taken with him fishing sitting on the step. She became mildly irritated, as she wondered why he did not put the bucket away in its proper place.

With an annoyed sigh, Kaoru reached for the bucket and was about to stand and put it in the shed when she spotted what was in it. She gasped as she saw one of the loveliest irises she had ever seen, perfect and daintily ruffled, in a deep hue of blue violet, visible even in the faint light shining from the open rear door. Kaoru ran her fingers on the soft petals as she saw the tiny blink of green light on the leaf. A firefly had landed on the flower and had made itself at home so she withdrew her fingers, afraid to disturb it. Kaoru was so intent in her admiration of the delicate bloom that she did not notice the shadow that blocked the light from the dojo hall.

"I hope you like the iris, that I do." a deep yet soft voice sounded from the doorway. The slim but sturdy figure with hair the color of an autumn sunset came soundlessly to take a seat beside her.

"Kenshin, it's beautiful. Thank you."

Himura Kenshin smiled warmly, pleased by her acceptance of his gift. "I did not want to come back completely empty-handed. And it reminded me of you, that it did."

Kaoru smiled and lowered her head demurely. "I'm surprised to see that you found an iris. With the heat that has plagued the area, and no rain, I haven't seen any flowers about that aren't dying or already dead." She changed the subject and said in a quiet voice, "Kenshin, I thought you had gone to bed."

"I didn't feel tired as yet. But if you would prefer that I leave, I will," he said as he made to rise but her gentle touch detained him as she grasped his arm.

"Please stay with me, Kenshin. Yahiko went to bed early and I would really enjoy sitting here with you. It's such a pretty night and the courtyard is filled with fireflies."

"Aa. I see. There were a lot of them at the riverbank as the sun was setting. I imagine the humid weather is what is encouraging them to be around."

Kaoru nodded as she became thoughtful. "It's just like that night two months ago. After another hot day, remember? A fateful day for all of us."

Kenshin nodded as well. "I remember, Kaoru-dono. When I said good-bye." His face became bemused and a bit sad. "That was one of the hardest things I ever did, saying good-bye to you." His hand stole over and linked fingers with hers. "As I made my way to Kyoto, I thought a lot about my life here."

Kaoru gazed into his eyes. "Did you, Kenshin?"

"Aa. I would think about the life I was leaving and I often thought of the night of the fireflies by the river. I had thought that night as I said good-bye, I would not see you again soon." His eyes became haunted as he continued. "I had accepted that Battousai was a part of me that I could not get rid of so easily so I felt that to return to being a wanderer was best for everyone. But then you came after me to bring me back home."

Kaoru gazed at the titian haired rurouni who had made a home not only in her dojo but also deep in her heart. "That's because this is your home, Kenshin. When you left, there was a void here like a vast canyon, and I felt like someone had torn a hole in my heart. I cried bitter tears as you walked away from me into the night, but I knew you had to go. So I let you."

Kenshin gazed at her with the same warm glow he had since returning from the river. "When you approached me in Kyoto and asked if I was angry with you for coming, I had answered half and half relieved. I was half relieved because I realized that my time here with you was as much a part of me as the time I was the Battousai and as such I could no longer run away from that either."

Kaoru studied him with widened eyes. "Why were you running away, Kenshin?"

Kenshin returned her regard as he replied, "I was afraid my past and the darker side that accompanies it would consume the hope and wishes of my future. I told you the night I left that I could not allow any of you to be hurt by the re-emergence of my past. That was partially true but the real truth was that Saito's words rang in my ears and took hold of my thoughts. A manslayer will always be a manslayer."

Their hands then linked and encompassed each other as if they had been created to be joined. "My past is filled with ghosts, Kaoru. Ghosts of those who were slain by my hand, both stranger and loved one. These are things that had haunted me for the ten years I wandered. And still, a day doesn't pass that I don't regret the blood soaked path I chose in my youth."

"You cannot live in the shadow of the past forever, Kenshin," Kaoru murmured sagely. "It tries to blot out the light that we know is shining in you. It's that light that all of us are drawn to." She looked earnestly into his amethyst eyes. "And I told you that night that your true nature was of a rurouni that doesn't kill."

Kenshin reached with his other hand and ran the back of it down the softness of her cheek. The earlier words of Ryunoske, the former samurai turned old fisherman echoed in his head. _A man only finds one woman in his life that he never forgets. _Until what took place in Kyoto, he had thought that Tomoe was that woman—the wife of his youth who had lost her life by his hands but not before leaving a permanent mark on him, the scar that completed the cross on his left cheek, his crucifixion. He had carried the guilt of her death for ten years as he vowed never again to take a human life. Then, his travels brought him into Tokyo and he met Kaoru. Raven hair and eyes as dark and fathomless as the deep blue sea, with a heart of compassion for those in need. She never hesitated to help others and he considered himself heaven blessed to have been included in the circle of people who loved her. And he was just beginning to realize that he did indeed love her with all his heart.

The fireflies danced about the moist evening air, numerous and softly blinking, adding to the celestial climes a gentle luminescence that gave the atmosphere a magical feeling. Kaoru gazed deeply into Kenshin's eyes as he continued caressing her cheek with reverence and she felt her heart pound with the emotion of the moment. She saw in his eyes a depth of feeling that she found perplexing and exciting at the same time. Something in him was different something she couldn't put her finger on.

"Kenshin?"

"Aa?"

"Is everything all right?" Kaoru asked hesitantly, with a bit of trepidation. His behavior was of one distracted although it was not that dark side was strangely reminiscent of when he turned into the Battousai.

Kenshin smiled a sweet smile. "Everything's fine, Kaoru. Why wouldn't it be?"

She noted the absence of the customary honorific he always made sure to attach to her name. She shrugged her shoulders and said casually, "Oh no reason. I just noticed you seem a bit preoccupied since returning from your fishing trip. Did something happen?"

Kenshin turned his head away and brought back his hand. Kaoru found the removal of his caress disconcerting but she felt that this was not the time to press him. He seemed in a mind of sharing and confiding so she just sat there waiting patiently.

Kenshin took a deep breath and began, "I met an unusual man at the river today, that I did. He was a wise old fisherman who had befriended Ayame and Suzume previously and when we approached him to assist him after he had been attacked by some ruffians, he took us to a favorite spot of his. He sensed in me a kindred spirit, that he did."

"Was he a rurouni who was a hitokiri as well?"

Kenshin shook his head. "No, but he was a swordsman who was chasing the ultimate attack and it was his undoing. He ended up wandering for twenty years."

Kaoru sat there and listened intently as he continued. "He began to tell a story of wishing fireflies. In his story he told of a young swordsman made proud by his skill and how that pride had consumed him so that all he wanted was to make himself the best swordsman. He ignored the love of a girl who was devoted to him as he left on his quest. However, the girl would continue waiting for him by the wishing fireflies."

Kenshin's eyes clouded as he recalled the story, still fresh in his mind. "In his travels he had witnessed a crime committed by a swordsman whose style represented for him the ultimate attack. And so he spent the next twenty years, slaying people and hoping to achieve that style that so enthralled him. Until one day his path and the path of the revered swordsman met. They fought and when he saw that the man's technique was in fact his own he realized that his quest was futile, a waste of twenty years."

Kaoru was spellbound as she asked, "What finally happened to him?"

Kenshin smiled sadly as he went on. "He continued walking haunted by images of all those who fell by his sword until he came to the place of the wishing fireflies where he had last seen the girl who loved him. He was met there by his former best friend, her brother who not recognizing him informed him of her passing a year before. The brother had also informed him how the girl waited there for her love to return until she died." He paused as he gazed out thoughtfully.

Kaoru felt the sting of tears as her heart caught at Kenshin's tale. "Is that all to the story?"

Kenshin turned to her shaking his head. "I asked him if the man in the story regretted any of the past transgressions of his life. He answered that even if he did he can't go back and change it. But he wanted the woman's spirit to live on the heart of another." He reached for Kaoru's hand and held it in both of his. "I believe that he had a reason for telling me that story, that I do." Smiling, he glanced past her at the bucket he left on the porch step with the beautiful iris sitting nestled within. "That iris reminded me of your eyes when I picked it, that it did."

He released Kaoru's hand and rose to his feet, watching the softly glowing ballet of the fireflies as they fluttered to and fro in the courtyard. ""The fireflies are indeed beautiful tonight. As they were that night two months ago," he commented. He turned and smiled at her as he said, "I must rise early tomorrow to fix breakfast so I bid you good night, Kaoru-dono." He turned and silently took his leave.

Kaoru sighed and gazed out at the tiny blinking insects as she pondered the story Kenshin relayed and the other things he said. She turned and looked down at the iris in the bucket and noticed that the firefly was still there, casting a pale green glow on the flower. She gingerly touched the petals of the iris and as if in response the glow of the firefly pulsated gently. She mused that the glow of the firefly was like Kenshin's light, soft yet penetrating as it reached out and spread to surround those around him.

"Thank you, Kenshin," Kaoru said softly as she too rose and went inside.


	2. KENSHIN'S REVERIE

_Author's Note: I had originally meant this to be a one-shot but after seeing the first seven episodes and rewatching what I have of the Kyoto Arc, I kind of came up with what might be Kenshin's thoughts that night, the first night back in Tokyo. I also see Kenshin as very introspective, and especially after what happened in Kyoto and the realization of his feelings for Kaoru that Ryunoske's story brought to light._

**KENSHIN'S REVERIE **

Kenshin slid the shoji to his quarters open and stepped into the darkened room. Smiling, he slipped his sakabatou out of his hakama waistband and propped it up on the far wall, within reach of where he had set out his futon earlier, the day's revelations making his heart light. In the darkness, his eyes, with sharp manslayer vision, sought out the window that faced the courtyard and he stepped to the sill to gaze out upon the continuing light show of the fireflies, seeming to compete with the stars. He noticed that Kaoru had gone inside the main hall of the dojo, the square of projected light gone from the grass as the shoji was now closed. His keen hearing picked up the sound of shuffling footfalls as he heard Kaoru slide open the door to her room open then closed it, signifying that she had retired.

Kenshin sighed as he continued to idly watch the gliding points of light as the fireflies waltzed about the courtyard, mesmerizing him as he again thought of the story of the wishing fireflies. Like the former swordsman Ryunoske, he was haunted in the ten years of his wandering, as he was pursued by the images of those he had slain and paid little attention to the beauty of his surroundings. Filled with the guilt of his crimes, he would often relegate whimsical thoughts of fireflies and idyllic things of that nature to bedtime stories of innocent childhood, far beyond the realm of the bloody reality of fighting for misguided ideals of the Revolution.

He closed his eyes as he remembered the fateful night in May he had left Tokyo to fight Shishio in Kyoto. That was a night that had followed a day of horror and fears that permeated the populace as the assassination of Lord Okubo was splattered across newspapers, sending Japan into a state of potential chaos. He had returned to the dojo, his aim clear, to become a wanderer once more as he readied himself to fight Makoto Shishio to the death to save the peaceful Meiji era. He had intended to disappear into the night, without explanation but found that there was one very precious person he could not leave without saying thank you and good-bye…Kaoru.

Kaoru…from the day she approached him in an alley his first day in Tokyo and bravely brandished her bokken to defend the name of her father's sword style, she had dazzled him. First with her courage and beauty and then with her unconditional acceptance of him, a penniless wanderer into her home and life. She was a fiery vixen, yet had a ladylike angelic compassion that touched the lives of those surrounding her. She captured his heart and caused feelings in him that he had not felt since his wife Tomoe's untimely passing. That night, he had found her as she had promised him that morning before he left, at the riverbank among the tiny fluctuating glows of the fireflies.

The night by the river as the fireflies encompassed them with soft blinks of light was a night of heartrending sorrow for Kenshin. After he had said good-bye, he turned quickly away as Kaoru's deep penetrating sobs tore at him, echoing in his ears as he continued walking slowly into the dark. He fought the almost overwhelming yearning to turn back and enfold her in his arms again, this time to comfort and hold her with all the love in his heart. All his years as a hitokiri had taught him well to subjugate his emotions and desires to his resolve and as usual, his iron will won out and he continued walking. But that night with the curtain of fireflies encircling them, the feel of her petite warm softness in his arms and her scent of jasmine burying itself deep in his soul, would remain etched in his thoughts and memories as he traveled the lonely road. During the journey to his battle with Shishio, in the nights that followed as he stared stonily into the leaping flames of his campfire, Kenshin would see Kaoru's face, her eyes, and hear her voice as he would convince himself that she and the others hated him now, encasing his heart in the veneer of emotionless ice to deaden the pain.

Kenshin continued gazing out the window, his mind playing back memories of what had transpired in Kyoto. He had sought out his former master, Hiko Seijuro to learn the final attack of the Hiten Mitsurugi style and was surprised by the arrival of Yahiko and then the pert figure of the assistant master of the Kamiya dojo. As he left with Hiko to train, she had asked him if he was angry and he answered half of him was and the other half was relieved.

_Relieved? Truth be known that half of me was actually overjoyed. To realize that the farewell I had said among the fireflies that night by the river was no final good-bye and that Kaoru had in fact followed me to give her support was more than I had ever dreamed possible. I had left to protect her, Yahiko and everyone else that had become my family but instead both followed me and wanted to offer me their help. I may be Battousai deep down and a rurouni by choice but I was no longer alone. I worried for their safety still, Shishio was a cold murderous madman and as his predecessor I knew him well enough to know that he would try to hurt them to get to me. So I begged a favor from Hiko, to protect those who allied with me and especially the one I loved. And as usual, he kept his promise to me and did. The Juppengatana, Shishio's own private army of master assassins, was defeated at the Aoiya but not without a price. The scene I came upon when Sano and I returned to the Aoiya made my heart drop in fear as I beheld the nearly demolished hostel. Then I saw that Misao-dono, the Onewaban, Yahiko, and Kaoru were battered like I was but alive and I thanked Kami above for their safety._

_When I battled the demon known as Makoto Shishio, I became weakened by the prior battles against Aoshi and Seto and he had tried to squeeze my throat and finish me off. As I struggled for breath, my mind wandered back once again to that night of fireflies when I held my Kaoru in my arms for what I thought would be the first and last time. Her tears wetted my gi, dampening my shoulder and searing me like a flame as I pulled away and then the sound of her deep, gasping sobs, burning me in the pit of my stomach as my heart tore more with each sob. As Shishio tried to break my neck, in my ears I heard her sweet voice calling my name and at that moment I chose life over death. Life meant more to me at that moment then anything, life where I would once again hear the voice that was like a delicate melody playing on the strings of my heart. Life, where I could see the sapphire jewel eyes that lighted the darkness of my soul and savor the scent of jasmine that was my Kaoru, my koishii._

_Yes, Kaoru, you are my koishii, the reason for me to keep seeking life over death. Without you I would be nothing but a shell, a flesh and bone entity with no heart and a cold lifeless soul. I know that Battousai lies buried deep within me but you are the equalizer, the buffer that helps me keep the manslayer inside me at bay. When Jinei Udoh took you from me, I was ready and willing to become the manslayer again, but you broke out of the spell he had cast on you to suffocate you and prevented me from splitting him in two with my sword. You helped me to keep my vow of never killing again even with your own life at risk. And you risked your life again when you fought the Juppengatana with Misao, Yahiko, and the Onewaban group, to vanquish Shishio's soldiers of chaos. We may not have been literally side-by-side, but when I heard that you all at the Aoiya were victorious, I knew that you were with me in my battle and that thought sustained me and carried me to the ultimate victory. Arigatou, koishii._

_I still have regrets of my past, Kaoru. I have too many sins and too many that died by my hand; a rushing river of blood that still flows, which has its source at my hands. They are as stained and tainted hands as a man could have yet a forgiving Kami has seen fit to bless me by giving me an angel, a blue-eyed, raven haired angel with a quick temper and a heart to love and feel for those in need. You say that I am a light but you are my refreshment, like a spring shower that brings life to the new leaves and flowers you bring life to me. I picked that iris for you at the river as the sun set today because it was like you, beauty and life defying all odds to exist in oppression yet remaining as fresh as always, a blessing to others and a blessing to me._

Kenshin sighed as his thoughts again turned to his vast feelings of unworthiness but then Ryunoske's words of the swordsman returned to him. _"…he cannot change the past but he has learned that a man meets one woman that he can never forget and that it was his wish that the woman's glimmer of light, fragile as a firefly's, would live on in the heart of another." _As he thought of that statement, the clusters of blinking fireflies in the courtyard seemed to gather together among the brush, like a constellation in the dark evening sky, casting their individual glows like a tiny light show. It was a phantasmagoria that imprinted itself on his mind like the unforgettable night he was able to hold a dream even for a fleeting moment, a dream that was like a delicate flower illuminated by the fragile glow of fireflies.

**END**


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